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Is THIS normal? The first week with a breastfeeding newborn

7/14/2016

5 Comments

 
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Reposted from: https://growingfamilies.co.uk/blog/


Emma Pickett IBCLC is leading our breakout session on Breastfeeding at “Growing Families: Facts, Fiction and Other Stuff” this October.  It is a one-day event for all expectant and new families – mum, dad, grandma, grandad, aunts, uncles, supporters – and the professionals who work with them. This is a not-for-profit event, created by four mothers, two of whom are also healthcare professionals. Our mission is to tackle the postnatal information that desperately needs covering for new families. To explore expectations and evidence around the early days with baby. To keep ticket prices low, with no expectation of making a profit, in order to open up the event to as many people as we can. To ensure that support for the event comes from ethical organisations and those who share our interest in evidence based information and family well-being. To give new families the confidence to face the challenges ahead.
Please click here to book your place: https://growingfamilies.co.uk/prices-booking/
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Here Emma tells us about what is actually “normal” when breastfeeding a newborn baby.


I’ve been taking calls from new parents on the National Breastfeeding Helpline since it opened in 2008. Calls often begin with a mum in tears and she’s sounding desperate. Breastfeeding really matters to her and she wants it to work. She’s overwhelmed and confused. The first voice we hear might sometimes be the partner’s and a mum is too upset to even come to the phone.
Hundreds of these calls end with a contented calm voice saying, “Thank you. It’s such a relief to know that’s normal. I feel so much better now”. As it happened, breastfeeding was actually going OK but it was her understanding of everything else that was confused. What she interpreted as a breastfeeding ‘problem’ was actually a new baby’s normal and natural response to their new environment. She just didn’t know how babies were ‘supposed to behave’.
If I had a magic wand, I would download into all parents the knowledge of what is normal in a newborn. Think The Matrix film – but instead of the ability to pilot helicopters or practise high level martial arts, you’d know about cluster feeding and a newborn’s desire for closeness, nappies and normal fussiness.
The National Breastfeeding Helpline would be quieter overnight but we’d all feel a lot more relaxed and able to enjoy these teeny new people in our lives.
But actually… you’ve already had that download. You just may not have realised it. It’s deep in there after millions of years of evolution, facilitated by hormones and natural instincts. It may not mean you know the exact details of the colour of baby poo on day 3 or how to correct a baby’s latch without help but there’s so much you do know. You probably didn’t grow up surrounded by breastfeeding (as Elena Abell’s recent blog highlighted) and for some aspects of breastfeeding you will need support and information, but there’s a ton you do know about your baby: things that just feel right and things that don’t.
And your baby had the download too. Sometimes it gets fuzzied with a birth that didn’t go to plan but their instincts are in there too.
Two things that are normal:
  1. Babies want to be close to you.
Imagine a news story about a baby gorilla just born in London zoo:
“ZSL London are delighted to announce the birth of new baby Fumbi. Mother and baby are in good health” but days later it’s reported that staff are concerned. Fumbi’s mother (despite being surrounded by other older female gorillas and having observed newborn care) keeps trying to put Fumbi down. She places her in the hay and walks off repeatedly and appears to be trying to avoid holding her for long periods. Fumbi is agitated. Her heart rate and respiratory rate shows signs of distress. She’s losing heat (because teeny newborn gorillas have a large surface area and need to be held to regulate their temperature). Fumbi isn’t feeding as often a newborn usually does because of the periods of separation. The mother appears to be missing out on some of the oxytocin induced bonding that helps the formation of their early relationship. Fumbi is at risk.
Oh dear. Something seems to have happened to Fumbi’s mother. We’d be worried.
However this is exactly what is happening in human homes across the UK today (though not in many other countries and cultures). We are primates just as gorillas are. We’re not designed to dump our babies and go off hunting and foraging for nuts. We can see that by looking at the constituents of our breastmilk. Other mammals have much higher fat milk so babies can be left while mum fishes or grabs a rabbit for lunch. Our babies are born immature because of our pelvis shape from being upright and our large brains and they are designed to have milk regularly for a relatively long time. We are supposed to hold our babies. Some people call us ‘carry mammals’.
But instead we got the message somewhere that babies can be ‘spoilt’. We are supposed to encourage them to be independent and sleep apart from us. We’re meant to be able to put them down. If we can’t put them down, if they want to sleep touching us, if we hold them when they sleep – we’ve apparently failed some test. Though it’s not quite clear who the examiner is.
There are popular books that even use terms like ‘accidental parenting’ just to load on the value judgments. Parenting experts such as Truby King in the 1910s told parents to avoid cuddling and unnecessary attention and the spectrum of ‘advice’ has been flip-flopping backwards and forwards ever since. Today one book will tell you to wear your baby in a sling as much as possible and another will tell you to arrange a baby’s sleep by the clock and leave a baby only a few weeks old to cry if necessary.
What does your baby want?
They don’t want to be put down and eaten by a sabre toothed tiger (less of a problem these days). They don’t want to waste energy keeping warm and crying when they don’t need to. They want to keep those calories to lay down fat and develop their brain. They want to use your breathing rate to regulate their own respiratory rate. They want you to notice when they start to show early feeding cues. They want your familiar smell and taste. You are home to them.
“My baby won’t go down in its Moses basket”. Yes, it’s frustrating when you thought that was what they were ‘supposed to do’. But would it feel easier if you knew that wasn’t likely to be their first choice and there are good biological and evolutionary reasons for that?
“But I’m not going to get any sleep”.
From the Infant Sleep Information Source [1]:
“70-80% of breastfed babies sleep with their mother or parents some of the time in the early months, and many studies have found that mothers and babies who bed-share breastfeed for much longer than those who sleep apart.”
Research shows that these mums breastfeeding through the night (and mostly bed sharing) will ALSO be getting better quality sleep and be more rested than other parents [2] Good sleep is possible if we stop battling nature.
The book “Sweet Sleep: night time and naptime strategies for the breastfeeding family” is a great place to start. It talks to you about creating a safe space where everyone gets a better night’s sleep.
A lot of your baby’s urges are eminently sensible. If they don’t want to sleep in a separate pile of hay, trust them. They are here today because those urges have kept them safe over the generations.
Don’t expect to be up and making a moussaka on day 5. The feeling that you ‘shouldn’t’ be holding your baby is exacerbated when we live in a society which tries not to let new parenthood change our lives. Our bodies aren’t supposed to change. Our commitment to work isn’t supposed to change. Our ability to engage with political life and housework and social media isn’t supposed to change. Actually, throughout much of human history, mum isn’t going to do much of anything for a good 40 days. Someone else is making the moussaka, just as you would have once made the moussaka for them. We are supposed to be doing nothing else other than eating the food made by others (really doesn’t have to be moussaka), sleeping and being with our new baby.
  1. They come to the breast for lots of different reasons and they usually have a good reason for doing so.
Just as parents feel they’ve failed if their baby doesn’t sleep in the separate pile of hay (aka fancy Moses basket that cost £75 and granny knitted a blanket for), they feel a failure if baby is at the breast ‘too much’. I have written elsewhere on the dangerous obsession of the infant feeding interval [4]. It’s dangerous for both babies and mothers. But we need to remember breastfeeding isn’t just about feeding and it never has been.
A phrase most breastfeeding supporters would like to evaporate from the planet is, ‘he is using me like a dummy’. No, dummies were invented partly because we forgot what breastfeeding was about. There’s not enough evidence to say for certain how dummies impact on breastfeeding [5] but those of us who work with breastfeeding families can see how the sucking action and latching can sometimes shift when babies use dummies a lot and there can be issues when mums feed less and milk supply doesn’t get the messages it needs.
Babies have jobs to do. They are helping you to form new breast tissue in the first few weeks. They are elevating your prolactin levels (the hormone that governs milk supply). They are stimulating oxytocin hormone (which is the hormone key in relationship-building and creating a sense of calm and well-being). They are increasing milk volume and altering fat content. They are reducing cortisol stress levels. They are facilitating digestion and the passing of stools. They are hydrating, regulating their temperature, feeling emotional secure, growing brain connections, trying to get to sleep (which YES is one of the purposes of breastfeeding.)
If you just think breastfeeding is about food and calories (and “quick, measure the gap between breastfeeds!”) you are doing a nature a huge disservice.
And you want to use an app on your phone to measure all those different reasons why a baby comes to the breast? You’re measuring fairy dust. Do you count all the times your partner cuddles you, strokes your arm, kisses you, smiles at you affectionately, communicates with you, has a drink of water, eats a snack, has a meal? You wouldn’t find an app for that and if you did, it would probably flag you up as someone needing some urgent assistance.
Stop thinking about minutes. No one can tell you a baby should feed for X number of minutes because we all have different physiology and our babies do too. Create your world around you so you can meet your baby’s needs in the way they are asking you to. Don’t try and mould your baby to fit into a world that has become obsessed with counting and measuring. If you know you are routine person and you are struggling with a feeling of ‘losing control’, give yourself a few weeks and see how it feels to trust your baby. Once your milk supply has maximised, you’ll have some options. Try and ‘control’ too early and you’ll find things go out of your influence in ways you can’t come back from easily.
Get help if things feel wrong- if breastfeeding hurts, if you’re not sure about weight gain or nappies, if you can’t work out how to meet your own needs for food and sleep. There are lots of people who will help out and we’re at the end of a phone or a Twitter account or Facebook page. But don’t confuse your baby behaving unexpectedly for something going ‘wrong’. Maybe no one told you what normal would be.
If we let normal happen it WILL make all of your lives easier in the long term.
You’re creating a little person who enters this world with their needs being met – we call it love.
​
Emma Pickett IBCLC
ABM Breastfeeding Counsellor
 The ABM is kindly sponsoring Emma’s session at Growing Families – http://abm.me.uk/
References:
  1. https://www.isisonline.org.uk/where_babies_sleep/parents_bed/
  2. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17700096
  3. http://www.llli.org/sweetsleepbook
  4. http://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/the-dangerous-game-of-the-feeding-interval-obsession
  5. http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Miscellaneous-illnesses/Review-of-dummy-use-and-its-potential-impact-on-breastfeeding/
5 Comments

Thank you for breastfeeding in public, I know it can be scary.

7/11/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
illustration by Estelle Morris
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People ask for a lactation consultant’s help for lots of different reasons. We often see people at one of the most difficult times in their lives. They might be damaged and in pain and feeling really desperate. Positioning and attachment problems are a common issue.

Sometimes we can see immediately how things could be improved and after just a few minutes, a mum might feel more comfortable. A look of relief passes across her face. I’ve had mums say things like, “This is the first time it’s ever felt like this.” Or they don’t even need to say anything as their stress just falls away.

Many many times, towards the end of one of these sessions (where I’m feeling really good about what I do and slightly smug), a mum then says, “But what would I do if I was feeding outside the house. How would this work if I wasn’t sitting here?”

She’s overcome an enormous obstacle and the next problem for her immediately pops into her head.

I see these comments as a positive. It suggests she feels like she’s making progress and feels her major difficulties are behind her but it does reveal just how the subject of breastfeeding outside the home nibbles at the mind of many new mums.

I think most of us know that mothers and babies are not allowed to be discriminated against on the grounds of breastfeeding. Their access to businesses and services is not allowed to be restricted. You are not allowed to ask them to move on or to stop. It's not complicated. It really isn't. The Equality Act 2010 protects mums in England and Wales. In Scotland, it is a criminal act to stop anyone breastfeeding up until the act of two: http://www.legislation.gov.uk/asp/2005/1/contents

But the law doesn’t automatically change how people feel.

The idea of breastfeeding in a public place feels scary when the whole breastfeeding things feels new and you are getting used to your body behaving unpredictably.

Are feelings based on reality? A Start4Life poll showed that 72% of the UK population ‘support’ breastfeeding in public. But yet a third of mums still feel uncomfortable.

Media love a story of a breastfeeding mum being harassed. And there’s no doubt that there ARE some poorly educated employees and members of the public sailing beyond the law and embarrassing themselves regularly. But these stories make headlines precisely because they are rare and juicy. If 72% support breastfeeding in public, a heck of a  lot more really aren’t that bothered. And I’ll bet in the tiny group that are bothered, most will mumble an internal dialogue that the mother doesn’t pick up on.

Yet it doesn’t stop it feeling scary even when we know the statistics.

In my years of breastfeeding, I have fed all around the world - on planes, trains, mountain-sides, cafes, doorsteps, bus stops - and not ONCE have I ever received a negative comment or glance or been asked to stop. The response has either been warm and supportive or indifferent. I have spoken to many experienced breastfeeding mums and breastfeeding counsellors and none of them have ever received a negative comment (and actually quite a few wish they had as they would have loved to have snapped something back).

Yet it doesn’t stop it feeling scary even when experienced breastfeeding mums tell you not to worry and in their experience everything is fine.

What might help?
Acknowledge what is the scary bit for YOU.

What is the thing that you are really really worried about?  Deep deep down. The thing that worries you won’t necessarily be the thing that worries your friend.

Are you worried about people seeing your breasts?
People seeing your new baby tummy?
People seeing milk dripping or spraying?
People seeing you in pain?
Not having your stuff with you?
Are you worried about people saying something negative?
Or about people looking?

Depending on what you worry is, you might address the problem differently.

What is the absolute worst thing that would happen in your worst nightmare? Imagine it. How is it likely to go?

For someone, it might be the middle aged bloke yelling across the room that it is disgusting that you are breastfeeding outside the home and he doesn’t want to see that. I think we all know that’s bloody unlikely to happen but what happens then in your nightmare? Does everyone rise out of their chairs with pitchforks and move towards you with threatening expressions on their faces?

Is that what happened in that internet story someone posted on your birth group? I bet actually someone came to the mum’s defence: the bloke on the train who protected her or the employees in the bowling alley who formed a line and threw the bloke out (and several of these videos are set up by actors to test public reaction and get a nice bit of internet clickbait by the way).
 
The new mum would have felt scared but she probably also felt protected by those around her and angry on behalf of her baby rather than upset.
 
If it’s more likely that you are worried about looks, don’t look around the room. Why should you? I remember when my own son was less than 6 months old and I was feeding him in a café in an unfamiliar town, I scanned the room before I started. I clocked a man across the room chatting to a friend and when I was feeding, I looked over again. Why did I do that? What on earth was I doing? Almost certainly giving off a nervous vibe which is the sort of vibe an unkind person might sometimes thrive on. As it happened, the café customer I had first clocked called across, “you’re alright love. Good on ya.” OK, that was pretty embarrassing too as it happens but I expect he had felt obliged because he sensed I was nervous.
 
I once spoke to a mum who took off her glasses when she fed to stop her being tempted to look around. It’s probably not going to help the breastfeeding if you’re nervous so just give your focus to your baby for that moment. They will latch on more easily and oxytocin is more likely to happen.
 
Is the scary thing actually about being outside of the house with a new baby? I think for many people the nightmare is not the pitchforks or a weird shouting person but it’s that you will have a crying screaming loud baby and you won’t be able to sort it out. They might get themselves in such a frazzle that they can’t even latch on. And then what would you do?

At home, you try some skin-to-skin or walk around for a bit and try another room. You are not disturbing anyone else unless you have thin walls and neighbours who are home.

But in a café there are people EVERYWHERE and VERY CLOSE. People wanting to relax and talk to others. People with their own stresses. And YOU are making so much noise.

I promise that everyone in that room is feeling sorry for you and wishing they could help. We are British and get embarrassed so our embarrassment and discomfort FOR you might look like edginess for other reasons but we really just wish we could help.

That’s not about breastfeeding really, it’s just about fear of loss of control.
The solution? Have a baby for longer. After a few more weeks and months, it feels easier. Babies still cry but you feel better about not being able to retain control.

Choose places to go where you know you could escape if you really needed to. Go with people who offer you emotional support.

Who you have with you when you breastfeed outside the home in the early days is really important.

Go to a café with your partner or your mum to practise. Meet your NCT group in a friendly library space and tell them if you are worried. The test of a great post-natal group is the one where you don’t have to pretend you are sailing through this parenting experience and you are allowed to say when you need help. See if you can find some friends that don’t always meet outside the home.

Being a new parent can feel like a constant cocktail party. Just when you feel least up to it, you are trying to develop new friendships and work out what place these new people will have in your lives. And your house is a complete heap too. Here’s another test of a post-natal group: people are OK to come to each other’s houses and sit on piles of washing and not care. It doesn’t always have to be Starbucks.

If you are in Starbucks, it’s not just who you are with, the way you breastfeed helps too.

I’ve met mums who say that they don’t want to use a cushion at home because they won’t have one when they are out and about. Sod that. If you want to use a cushion, use a cushion! Be as comfortable as you can for each breastfeed that you do. There’s no point in making strict rules about these things.

Babies change shape really quickly – all over their bodies. They get heavier and their heads move differently for starters. But WE change shape too. I’ve supported mums who find breastfeeding is getting trickier after a couple of weeks and it turns out that they were previously resting baby on their arms and THEN their arms were resting on their baby belly. When their belly started to go, their arms were doing more work and they started to get more tired.

If you find yourself loving your cushion at home, the idea of breastfeeding without it seems terrifying. Well, if you want to put in a plastic bag under the pram and take it out with you, who cares? Do it!

But you may find that other chair is a different height anyway? Perhaps it doesn’t work quite the same with your cushion? You may want to rethink. You could improvise with a rolled up jacket or even your change bag but I would try and develop a position where the baby’s weight is supported by your torso and not a cushion nor just your arms.

Have a look at Nancy Mohrbacher’s resources on Natural Breastfeeding. If you lean back a bit, a baby can be supported securely against your body and cushions and all the rest of it doesn’t matter. You don’t even need to do it in a sofa (though coffee shops are good at those). You can slouch in quite an upright chair but scooting your bottom forward and putting your leg out in front of you to support you.

Truthfully, the position you use in the corner café might not be super perfect. It might just be good enough.

It might seem tempting to take a bottle when you go out. Now that we have super dooper breast pumps and the bottles that ALL claim to be just like breastfeeding, that might seem appealing but it’s not quite so straightforward.

First off, if you are getting to grips with breastfeeding, let’s not give a baby a masterclass in bad latching. That bottle may claim to be like breastfeeding but which bit of breastfeeding did they pick? The tongue position? The need to elicit a letdown before milk starts to really flow? The way the milk gets gradually thicker and the letdowns come and go? The wide gape? Two of those if you are lucky. Some babies transfer between breast and bottle just fine but if you haven’t yet sorted your latch, it might be wise to hold off.

The other crucial thing is that even if your baby’s latch is fine and a bottle is less of a risk, even if you can easily transport breastmilk outside the home (and it is easy), what’s going to happen to your breasts if you don’t use them? In the early days, we’re going to be more sensitive to signals that reduce our milk supply if we go for several hours without removing milk. When our breasts become full and engorged, that sends messages to reduce production. We’re also vulnerable to getting blocked ducts and even developing mastitis. So realistically, you might have to pump around the same time you give your baby a bottle. I have yet to find someone who considers pumping milk in public to be easier (though plenty of exclusively pumping mums find a way to make it work).

We also need to bear in mind that for a breastfeeding baby, breastfeeding isn’t just about the milk. When you are out in the big wide world and you are very small and everything else seems very loud and big (and smells of coffee) being attached to mummy also brings calm and contentment.

And all of this is about your baby. They can‘t  stand up for themselves. They can’t write a rude comment on that article when someone makes a stupid comment about public breastfeeding. They can’t shout at the television when a daft celebrity makes a lazy statement. What would they say to you? What would they say when you were feeling nervous?

I doubt they would want you to feel stuck at home. They want to see the world too. They would want you to leave the house whenever you wanted to. But also not to feel that you HAD to.
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And they might thank you for helping to create a world where other women feel able to breastfeed in public. Every time you breastfeed outside the home, you make someone else feel that little bit better and normalise it for the next generation – for the little girl who may not have her own baby until 2040 and might not even remember that she saw you but it’s in her subconscious somewhere. For her partner who will support her. For the woman who is now going to breastfeed outside her home next week.
 
 
 

 
References:
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-mothers-are-anxious-about-breastfeeding-in-public
http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/babies/hero-passenger-defends-breastfeeding-mother-from-abusive-man-on-london-train-video/news-story/33e4710b51374f3f60607ad1cf472e2a

http://www.mothering.com/articles/natural-breastfeeding/




 [U1]
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2 Comments

    Author:
    Emma Pickett IBCLC

    Find me on twitter: @makesmilk

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    A Lactation Consultant supporting families in North London.

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