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Shared parental leave: the boobs don't come off.

3/27/2015

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The government has commissioned a nifty graphic to help us understand shared parental leave. Pink and blue to represent male and female? I suppose it’s an easy shorthand. Levitating blue milk defying gravity? We’ll let that one go. Anything else? What’s happened to breastfeeding? That’s a question we could ask about shared parental leave legislation as a whole.

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Perhaps just as well it uses bottles as the image because what are the chances that a woman returning to work at just two weeks is going to be able to continue to breastfeed?  Is the government assuming that 'these' mums just won’t care about breastfeeding so what does it matter? There are certainly many women around the world who make breastfeeding and employment outside the home work. The UK isn’t likely to be her home.

In the UK , it’s down to pure luck whether a woman’s employer will be supportive of her aim to express milk at work and retain her milk supply and breastfeeding relationship. There are employers finding little offices, sourcing mini-fridges, letting teachers off doing playground duty – quietly and without fanfare. And there are employers who don’t understand the point, can’t envisage how facilitating a mother to pump milk might work and see no need to bother. Women are feeling vulnerable and unable to fight fights they don’t feel entitled to fight. A woman could try and make her case citing health and safety legislation and by mentioning the equality act but her employer can politely ignore her. As ACAS says in its document ‘accommodating breastfeeding in the workplace’, “The law doesn’t require an employer to grant paid breaks from a job in order to breastfeed or to express milk for storage and later use. Neither does it require an employer to provide facilities to breastfeed or express milk.” This toothless document then goes on to explain what nice employers might choose to do. This isn’t helping the women phoning the national breastfeeding helplines in tears and in pain at their desks. It was produced at the request of the government when charities like Maternity Action and the breastfeeding groups pressured government into acknowledging that breastfeeding protection was missing in this legislation. It doesn't help. National laws provide for breastfeeding breaks in more than 90 countries worldwide. We are not one of them.

In the UK, a breastfeeding mother has the legal right to ‘rest’ but not to express and store her milk. Health and safety guidance might suggest that an employer could provide a room and a time for a mother to pump but they are only required to allow her to rest. We don’t want to rest. Give us ten minutes to use our double electric breast pump perhaps three times in a working day and most of us will be able to continue to give our baby’s breastmilk for as long as we want to.

The USA, the land of the free and the spectacularly rubbish maternity leave has 16% of babies exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months (Source: CDC Breastfeeding Report Card 2012). Terrible. Awful. Embarrassing.

The UK manages 1%.

The USA has 47% of babies getting any breastmilk at 6 months. We have 34%.

America has women regularly returning to work at 6 weeks. Yet they return to a workplace where their president has a declared them to have the legal right to ‘reasonable break time’ for expression up to 1 year after birth.

Allowing a ‘reasonable break’ means both mothers and employers are encouraged to have a sensible and fair dialogue. It’s a good place to start. In a letter on this subject, minister Jo Swinson claimed legislation was not possible as expression was so individual (yet for some reason the right to ‘rest’ is not?!). The law doesn’t need to be prescriptive. It just needs to empower women to start conversations. It will make continuing to breastfeed while working normal and manageable. Remember this isn’t just about the rights of mums and dads, this is about the rights of babies. We need never assume that a woman returning early to work would OF COURSE be ending breastfeeding.




Reading: 

http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/2/i/Acas-guide-on-accommodating-breastfeeding-in-the-workplace.pdf


http://www.maternityaction.org.uk/wp/advice-2/advice/accommodating-breastfeeding/


http://mprp.itcilo.org/allegati/en/m10.pdf

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Positions for breastfeeding 101

3/26/2015

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You’ll hear two different messages about positioning and attachment that seem to contradict each other. On the one hand, baby is filled with natural reflexes and you are too and you are both created for this breastfeeding business by million of years of evolution. When baby comes out, they just instinctively know what to do and you do too – if you can just tap into those instincts. If you just lie back, a newborn baby will scoot themselves into position and away they go (cue videos of the breast crawl on YouTube).

Yet there’s another message coming through. Breastfeeding seems like an exact science. Mothers have to think about angles of mouth and hard palates and soft palates and size of gapes and catching gapes at the right moment and holding baby in a particular way.  It’s like learning to drive except the gear stick is wriggly and cries a lot. It’s left brain and right brain – not just a case of letting Mother Nature and her cosmic power flow over you.

These two messages seem completely at odds with each other. What’s true?

Well, like most things. It’s all a bit true. Some babies and mums do just seem to ‘get it’. It’s never sore. It’s easy. It works.

However some mums need to take a bit more control over positioning. Perhaps some of baby’s instincts haven’t quite come to the surface because birth was complicated. Perhaps first breastfeeding experiences didn’t go well and it took a few days to get up and running. Perhaps you don’t start out quite right (maybe that breastfeeding pillow wasn’t such a great idea?) and now you need to concentrate a bit more to make things comfortable. Perhaps you just need to take charge a bit more and it’s not quite clear why. You may not be able to predict beforehand exactly how your breastfeeding experience is going to go. You may have to just wait and see what happens.

Whether you are in the nature-led or mother-led group when it comes to positioning and attachment, there are certain positions that seem to be used by most people. It’s a good idea to get pictures in your head now and embarrass your partner by practising with a doll. Although be warned a doll doesn’t have that flexible neck and that heavy head and that gorgeous biscuit baby smell.

The most important thing to remember is that one position isn’t automatically better than all the others. You might work with a breastfeeding supporter who has a favourite and encourages you to try one position and then the next person to walk in the door could have another suggestion. As long as the key features are there, there are lots of options. You need that big wide mouth, the tongue extending over the lower gum ridge and chin touching the breast. Their bottom lip will be flanged down (though you don’t want to fiddle around too much to check or you’ll mess things up). Their cheeks will be touching the breast and you may not be able to see their lips at all. You need baby’s body nice and close to yours without their neck or body being twisted. Remember the ear/ shoulder/ hip all in a line. You try and swallow something with your neck turned to one side! You need to be comfortable: your hands, arms and back. It's worth mentioning now that the upper lip doesn't also need to be flanged out like a fish lip. It often rests in quite a neutral position. Ideally it's relaxed but a very out -turned top lip can be an indication of a shallow latch.


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The Reclined position


When you lie back, with the baby on their tummy on top of you, it does often seem to tap into some of their natural instinct and perhaps some of yours too. Sometimes when a baby has been really struggling to latch or even refusing entirely, lying right back and using the ‘biological nurturing’ position can make all the difference. We can give our arms a rest. We don’t have to worry about how to hold their head: whether we’re holding it too firmly, how that might feel for them after a difficult birth, are we squashing their ears? Have a look at www.biologicalnurturing.com. Babies will often self-attach and mum might just raise an arm to keep a baby in place and prevent them toppling off if they lean. If you’ve had a c-section it might be more uncomfortable if baby’s feet are placing against your scar and it’s going to depend a bit on your body shape and length as to whether this is a position for you. First you’ll need to lift baby onto your body (or get someone else to) and place their nose roughly around the nipple area and see what happens. Have their arms placed up either side of their head to help them stabilise themselves rather than down by their hips. It might look as if they are in a nearly crawling position. They may bob around and lift their head up and then plonk it back down again. You may not be able to see very much in terms of latching. It might a feel like you are a bit out of control. It can still be a great position and sometimes it’s worth lying back (literally) and seeing what your baby can do on their own. It may take a while before the baby settles down to feed so this isn't a position to rush. Have a go at the very earliest sign of hunger cues. It's best to try after a good stretch of skin-to-skin time. Results are unlikely to be positive if we scoop a baby out of a Moses basket, peel off their clothes and plonk them on when they are already pretty hungry.


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Rugby-Hold

The rugby hold or football hold (when North Americans are writing about it) can be a good choice particularly when babies are little. Depending on your body shape and the shape of your breast, baby may be lying on their back or on their side or on a diagonal at your side. Importantly, baby shouldn’t have to twist their neck to reach the breast. Remember the ear/ shoulder/ hip in a line thing? If your breasts are larger, it’s more likely baby will be on their back. Remember to start with nose-to-nipple. If you start with mouth to nipple, the baby won’t do that lovely head tilt that brings the chin to the breast. The important thing with this position is that you want the head tilt so that the chin isn’t tucking into baby’s chest. The baby’s head should be stretched away from their chest. You try and drink a glass of water and swallow with your head tilted down! You’ll be supporting baby’s head by holding them around the base of their neck. Often your fingers will end up round their ears. The palm of your hand will be around the top of their back. You’re supporting their neck and the base of their head but you’re not putting pressure on their head. It’s a supportive but gentle hold. If they want to tip back, they can. If you put pressure anywhere, it’ll be on the top of their back to keep their chin tucked in close to the breast. Your arm should be supported probably by a cushion. It’s not easy to do this position with baby dangling in mid-air. This position is often good if baby has a tongue restriction or if baby hasn’t been doing really wide gapes in a cradle or cross-cradle hold.

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Cross-Cradle

With this position, you start with baby’s weight on your arm. You want to be able to move their body across you and if you’re just holding their head, it may feel like you’re yanking them uncomfortably. The whole baby moves when we do ‘baby to breast’. You support their head by holding them round the ears, neck and top of their back. Imagine Elvis at the end of his career is Las Vegas. Your hand is the big Elvis collar. You want to check there isn’t clothing bunched up between you. A bra rolled down with a breast pad squashed inside it could push baby’s chest far away enough from your body that it affects the way baby will attach. Baby’s hands also can’t be between you. The bottom arm can be hugging your body and round towards your armpit or right down their side by their hip. Lots of new mums says that the baby’s hands are ‘getting in the way’ and it can seem to be very frustrating. Remember that baby uses its hands to help it find the breast and centre itself. If you can get baby’s chin and face to the breast quickly, you’ll find that very often the arms will instantly calm. Dab the baby’s nose against the nipple and wait for the gape. 

Take a moment. It’s OK for this bit to take a couple of minutes at least. They will hopefully gape and tilt their head as they reach up for the nipple. When you feel you’ve got that gape, you’re going to move baby’s body quickly and plonk them on. Their bottom lip will be as far away from the nipple as possible. Just check your arm is well-supported. You’re not going to be able to hold the weight of a baby’s head throughout a feed on just a few fingers. It’s often a good idea to bring your other arm round and support baby’s head on that forearm. So perhaps start in a cross-cradle hold and then move into a cradle hold. You might even be then able to move your cross-cradle arm out slowly and leave baby in a cradle position. That gives you a spare hand for essentials like drinking, eating and reading. Or you might have cushions supporting your cross-cradle arm and taking baby’s weight. Another option is that you lean back so that baby’s weight is going through your torso. What’s going to be hard is an increasingly heavy baby balancing on your arms and hands as you sit bolt upright. By the way, you don’t need to sit upright for the milk to flow. The milk will flow even if you are leaning right back. It’s your milk ejection reflex, the baby creating negative space in their mouth and the baby’s tongue that moves the milk around. Gravity doesn’t have a lot to do with it.
One thing worth remembering, some women have naturally shorter forearms. You may not be able to have baby resting on your arm and be able to support the base of their head. Your arm may literally not be long enough. So if this position seems to be a struggle, you’re not going mad. You just needed a few more centimetres of arm. You may do better with a bit of cradle hold and using both arms for support, or the rugby hold.  

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Cradle hold


This is often the picture we imagine when we visualise breastfeeding for the first time. There aren’t many images of the Mother Mary and baby Jesus doing the rugby hold or laid-back breastfeeding. Baby’s head is resting somewhere around the crook of your elbow. Their body is close to yours and their hands aren’t squished between you. No clothing bunched between you. You dab baby’s nose around the nipple and when they gape, you bring them even closer to your body. You want their chin massaging the breast. Their head is ideally slightly tilted which gives them even more chance that the chin and tongue have good breast contact. When you bring them nice and close with that gape, focus on two things. First, you want their bottom lip to come as far away from the nipple as possible. It’s OK if the top lip is much closer. If you see any areola (and there’s going to be a lot of variation with this as areolas come in lots of different sizes), you can see some areola above the top lip but none below the chin. And secondly, try and picture the nipple heading up towards the roof of their mouth. You’re aiming for a point on the roof of their mouth rather than heading down towards the back of their throat. Once baby is on, check that you are well-supported. If you had to lean forward and move the breast around, something is probably going to adjust during the feed in a way we don’t want it to. Baby will have moved to you. Baby to breast is the phrase we say. We want you to finish a feed as comfortably as when you started. You shouldn’t have back ache or feel relief that your arm no longer has to do any work. If you finish a feed rubbing your sore arm or hand and thinking, ‘glad that’s over it’, something needs to change. You may have been slightly slipping during a feed without even realising it if something was uncomfortable. We only have to move a few millimetres for problems to start. The baby’s nose may sometimes be touching your breast. This is particularly likely if you have larger softer breasts. It’s not panic stations if a baby’s nose does make contact as babies will prioritise breathing and come off and adjust if they need to. You can tuck their bottom in a bit more and see if that tilts them so that their nose is a little more free. Ideally you’ll have got them on anyway with that head tilt that drives their chin in without burying the nose into the breast. What we want to avoid is pressing a finger into the breast to keep breast tissue away from the nose. That’s not a great plan for various reasons. Firstly, it means you are potentially affecting the flow of milk by pressing on a milk duct –some are quite close to the surface of the skin. It can also increase your chance of getting milk ducts and possibly mastitis. It’s also taking the emphasis away from that good quality head tilt
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Lying down

Being able to breastfeed while lying down is one of the essential breastfeeding mummy skills. It’s right up there with being able to eat one-handed and opening a clasp on a nursing bra without losing your marbles.You might think you can get up all through the night and breastfeed in a chair but after a few weeks of that, it starts to become less fun. When you breastfeed lying down you can rest and you may even be able to sleep. 70-80% of breastfeeding families have the baby sleeping in their bed with them at some point. It’s a good idea to read more about bed-sharing and some of the risk factors so you can understand how to do it as safely as possible. I recommend visiting isis online: https://www.isisonline.org.uk/where_babies_sleep/parents_bed/.  This is the Infant Sleep Information Service and if being called ‘ISIS’ helps sleep-deprived new parents to remember its name, that’s no bad thing. This is an excellent resource filled with useful accessible evidence-based information. It’s the place to visit if you want information about safe sleep for your baby.

When you breastfeed lying down, the principles of good attachment are the same. We still want that nice wide gape. We still want baby’s body close to mum’s body. What often works well is to have both mum and baby on their side. Take a moment to look at the bedding around you. Ideally your duvet is tucked under you or well away so it can’t flop on to baby. You may be determined that you won’t fall asleep while you are feeding but it’s sensible to think through what might happen if you did. Make sure baby is far away from your pillow. Perhaps put your pillow on a diagonal away from him. What is on other other side of baby? Babies can move surprisingly far even when they are very small. They can get trapped between walls and beds. Partners that aren’t breastfeeding don’t benefit from hormones that keep you more tuned into baby so ideally baby isn’t in the middle between you. One option is to have a side-car cot next to your bed and that’s behind baby when she feeds. After the feed, you may be able to slide her back into her space but if not, at least if she did move, she’s only got her cot space behind her. Some mums are so worried about falling asleep with baby in the bed that they get up and move to a sofa. It is far more dangerous to fall asleep on a chair or sofa than it is in a bed.When it’s time for latching, have your baby’s nose level with your nipple. Nose to nipple is particularly important in this position. We really want baby to be reaching up and tilting their head back to get to the breast. This will give their tongue optimum space on the breast, really get the chin pressing in nicely  and help their nose to be as clear as possible (though some mums with larger softer breasts may still find baby’s nose touches). When the baby tilts and you get that gape, you press in on the top of their back and bring them as close as possible. You’ll probably need to keep that hand there so their chin and body stays close.  The other hand may be propping up your head so you can see what's going on and once the feed has started, you can lit back down on the pillow. If you do fall asleep, your hand may start to relax and the baby may end up rolling onto their back to sleep once the feed has finished. When it’s time for the other breast, switch yourself round so your head is at the other end of the bed – go ‘top to tail’. Your breasts will be again on the outside and baby will be in the safer outside position in the bed (assuming there’s a partner on the other side).




Pick the position that seems to work best for your baby, your breasts, your chair, your life. If you can have a couple up your sleeve that's useful because it means the breast will get drained in different ways and it gives you options depending on where you are. Most mums do appreciate the opportunity to lie down so being able to breastfeed in bed is certainly worth practising. Don't let anyone tell you that one position is necessarily 'best'. Quite often people are loyal to the position that works best for them but there any many different options - including several not described here. If you are comfortable and baby can get the milk out effectively and you can reach the remote control - those are the things that really matter.



Thanks to Estelle Morris for the illustrations. http://www.estellemorris.co.uk/
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My book is available now from Amazon.co.uk and from other retailers.

"You may be worried about breastfeeding and worried that it might ‘not work’. This is a common feeling when you live in a society where breastfeeding is often sabotaged by incorrect information, patchy support from a stretched health service and powerful messages from formula companies. But it’s not a feeling that is entirely logical. We are mammals. We get our name from the dangly milk-producing bits. It defines us. 

This book aims to make you as well-prepared as possible. I would like you to breastfeed for as long as you want to and as happily as possible. I want you to feel supported. 

Some of this new life with baby will be about flexibility, responsiveness and acceptance. If you are used to a world of schedules and decisions and goals, it may be a bit of a shock. Learn about human biology before you think it sounds a bit too scary! Babies are the products of millions of years of evolution, and we are too; if we can just tap into our instincts and trust them a little bit. 

Success comes when we tap into those instincts and when we know when to get help when our instincts aren’t answering all of our questions. 

Can everyone who wants to breastfeed make it work? No. Not everyone may be able to exclusively breastfeed due to medical issues. Most of these people can give their baby breastmilk, though, which the book also covers. (And let’s not start this journey by imagining you’ll be someone who won’t make it...!)"

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B019JE5E44

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Having dinner out in a restaurant is the WORST thing you can do: new parenthood and relationships

3/2/2015

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People ask, “Why don’t more people in the UK breastfeed until six months or beyond?” Obviously the reasons are complex. It’s often about people not being able to access the breastfeeding support they need in the first month. It’s also about new parents not realising what’s normal when it comes to breastfeeding and being surrounded by a bottlefeeding culture that undermines their confidence. However I think a little bit of it is connected to the way British women think about their breasts and their bodies. I think a little bit of it might also be because we don’t know how to be a breastfeeding mum and be a sexual partner at the same time.

From when we are very small, we are surrounded by the message that boobs are about sex. We see it on billboards, in daily newspapers, on magazine covers. Think of all the images an average 20 year old woman will have received about her breasts and how many of those images are about a woman feeding her baby. And that’s just the girls – never mind the new fathers.

We are bombarded with all these messages about what breasts are ‘for’ and then we’re told when we’re pregnant, “Oh, by the way, forget all that, THIS is REALLY what breasts are for. It’s really important. It’s best for baby. OK?” It’s quite a brain shift.

We also live in a society where we no longer live in extended families and the couple is the centre of our household. Successful couples in our culture are perceived to be couples with active sex lives and sometimes when we are a new parent, we’re finding our way when it comes to sex. We’re trying to work out how to be a mother and how to be a sexual partner at the same time. Meanwhile dad (or partner) is trying to figure out how to support you in your new role as a mother and understands this teeny new person is your new priority. But they would quite like to feel loved as well. I never subscribe to the view that breastfeeding makes new dads feel excluded. But realistically, when there’s a new baby at the centre of your world and dad is shunted back to work after only 2 weeks of paternity leave while you carry on getting to know this new person, it’s tough.

Sex isn’t just about sex. It’s a way for people to feel connected and loved and special. When your partner is asking for sex, it’s not just about wanting to get their ‘rocks off’. Most adult males (and females) are pretty proficient at organising the offing of rocks all by themselves. It’s also about wanting to connect with you and feel that they still matter and your relationship as a couple still matters.

It’s very easy when you are a new mum to get into a downward spiral of feeling negatively about sex and sex starting to feel like another chore. New motherhood is a time when you may actually find yourself using the cheesy expression ‘touched out’. A little person is touching and needing us all day long. New motherhood is exhausting. If we feel ‘needed’ by anyone else who might place physical demands on us, it can feel like a step too far.

Not to mention the fact that after the birth we may have physical reasons for not feeling quite ready for sex. There is some suggestion that breastfeeding can result in lower oestrogen levels and this might result in increased levels of vaginal dryness. This may be true for some women in the early months and lubrication can be useful. Although some may claim that breastfeeding ‘affects your hormones’ in a way that impacts on libido, it’s difficult to make any hard and fast rules when it comes to libido. In pregnancy, we all have fairly similar hormones flying around and some women feel very sexual and motivated and others switch off sex entirely. Whatever might be causing sex to feel difficult for some new mothers, we need to be conscious of what’s going on and recognise that we need to spare a bit of mental energy for our relationship.

When it comes to protecting and cherishing your relationship there are some things that are worth spelling out:

·         Everyone is more tired and we aren’t always brilliant communicators when we are tired. We may be snappier and less patient and need to be more conscious of the words we are choosing and the way we are saying things. Stuart Heritage, writing in The Guardian, talked about his relationship with his wife in the early days of parenting: "The fact that we haven’t murdered each other yet is little short of a miracle, especially given that my method of dealing with tiredness (snippy sarcasm) is directly at odds with hers (irrational sensitivity to snippy sarcasm)."

·         It’s worth pausing and taking a moment to think through what’s really important. If your partner doesn’t put on a baby’s nappy in exactly the same way you might, that might be a comment worth letting go. In the beginning, you were both muddling through this parenting thing together but as the hours went by you probably spent more and more time with the baby and they possibly felt more excluded and disempowered. You simply had more practise. It is your job to mother your child but also to help your partner to be a new parent in the best way that they can. OK, if they are rrrreally bad at putting the nappy on, you can say something.

·         There may be new ways to be intimate. In the olden days (a few weeks ago before baby), it might have seemed logical for couple time to consist of evenings out, dinner in a restaurant and sex before falling asleep in bed. These are spectacularly bad ways for a couple to try and reconnect when they have a new teeny baby. Evenings and bedtimes are often the times when we feel the most exhausted. There are also the times when baby wants to cluster feed and is at their most demanding. Whereas 9pm once felt like the beginning of an exciting evening, it now feels like a time when your body is pretty convinced it really shouldn’t have to be operating fully conscious. We may have to rethink what ‘couple time’ means. Time as a couple doesn’t have to mean time separated from baby. It is possible for the three of you to curl up on the sofa and watch a great movie. Or go for a walk in a beautiful place. Or have a nice meal in a restaurant. Young babies sleep and when they don’t sleep, they breastfeed and that tends to be peaceful and straightforward. You might prefer to be in that restaurant at 6pm or 2pm instead of 9pm. If you are ready for time away from baby (and don’t force yourself until it feels right – this isn’t a test of anything), take care with who you choose to look after your baby. It may be that your first meal out isn’t with your partner at all because that’s who you first trust to be at home with baby while you eat out with a friend. When it comes time for the babysitter to give you couple time, it might make sense for the babysitter to be there from 2pm to 7pm giving you a chance for a meal and an experience and still get home for bed. Or how about a babysitter who takes the baby to park or a family member who takes baby to their own home while you and your partner share a bath and have some intimate time? Or how about you share a bath and have some intimate time with a baby in a Moses basket nearby? You can be both things at once – a mother and a partner. We feel we have to compartmentalise ourselves and that just isn’t true. No one has to ‘switch off’ being a mother in order to be intimate and connect with their partner. And intimate time doesn’t have to mean putting a penis into a vagina (even less likely if you're not a heterosexual couple). There are lots of options that you can talk about honestly. If communication is open, you don’t have to avoid other physical affection because you fear that you are sending signals you are ready for sex when you aren’t.

·         Talk. Sometimes we feel that new parenthood is supposed to be lovely and we’re supposed to be thrilled and grateful and jolly. The reality is that it’s very difficult. Any relationship with weak points is likely to find those weak points even more exposed. It’s a time to communicate honestly and kindly.

·         You do have to make time for your partner. Don’t roll your eyes at me for spelling that out. You may think you hardly have time to brush your teeth so get stuffed. Truthfully, your baby benefits from parents who are connected and loving. Do you find yourself feeling angry towards your partner more than you feel loving and appreciative? You may need to talk more. Taking time to listen to your partner and show kindness is for all of you as a family.  A bestselling baby writer suggests women drink a large glass of red wine and force themselves to have sex even when they don’t feel like it. If this is what sex has come to mean to you, you need to talk more with your partner and use a bit more imagination. One of the symptoms of postnatal depression is a feeling of resentment towards your partner, a disinterest in sex and a lack of motivation in reconnecting. It might be that your partner is simply a complete prat and all these feelings are justified. Some relationships may breakdown in the first few months after a baby is born and that might not be a bad thing. However if you feel that life isn’t quite going the way you’d like in other ways too, take a moment to talk to someone about how you feel and just check you don’t need further help.

·         Be kind to yourself too. Our bodies change when we are new mums. They are supposed to. That can feel weird when we are surrounded by magazines and images telling us that flat tummies are the meaning of life and breasts aren’t about babies. Breastfeeding itself doesn’t make your breasts sag by the way. That is the effect of pregnancy hormones and may happen to people who don’t breastfeed even for a minute. Breastfeeding may make inverted nipples evert for ever more but it’s not going to permanently change your breasts. And even if it did make a little alteration, most women would feel it was more than worth it for the all the positives – including reducing a mother’s risk of breast cancer. If you feel you want to lose weight, that can still happen while you are breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding mums can still run and play netball and swim in the sea. Just don’t push yourself to do too much too fast because you feel you need to rush to change your body back into the way it was. Your baby will only be a baby for a short time. Before you know it, it will be all about finding shoes and reading stories and playing football and banging drums and wearing sparkly dresses. Your priority right now is meeting this new person and getting to know them and caring for them and taking on probably the most important role of your life. 

Our relationships should be robust enough to deal with these difficult phases and changes. When baby has changed into a bloke who worries about rent and his next holiday, your relationship with your partner will continue to be a core aspect of your life. We need to integrate 'being a mother' into who we are rather than expect 'being a partner' and 'being a mother' to live in different boxes. These women are more likely to make breastfeeding work in the longer term and they are more likely to make relationships work too.

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    Author:
    Emma Pickett IBCLC

    Find me on twitter: @makesmilk

    Find me on pinterest: 
    https://www.pinterest.com/makesmilk/youve-got-it-in-you-a-positive-guide-to-breastfeed/

    A Lactation Consultant supporting families in North London.

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